


no one ever said it would be so hard

by bpdnewtgeiszler



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: BPD, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix It, Post-Movie: Pacific Rim: Uprising (2018), Recovery, newt geiszler in comfy clothes having a nice day with his boyfriend, selective mutism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-14 07:28:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14131125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bpdnewtgeiszler/pseuds/bpdnewtgeiszler
Summary: "the drift is silent.they didn’t mention that recovery would be too."post-uprising recovery fic inspired by selective mutism newt





	no one ever said it would be so hard

The drift is silent.

They didn’t mention that recovery would be too.

It starts out subtle. Glimpses of fear from new rangers across the shatterdome, fleeting glances at Newt before hurrying away. Hermann tries to draw him away from them, preventing people from seeing him at his worst. It turns into a blur; day after day of psychological evaluations, medical tests, physical therapy. Hermann accompanies him to all of them, hoping his presence might help. He doesn’t know if it actually does.

The worst part is the silence.

It consumes them, unspoken words swirling through the air like fog. He misses the arguments, the screaming matches over kaiju entrails, the rambling monologues about Newt’s scientific breakthrough that never seemed to end. Hermann curses himself for everytime he asked him to shut up. Since his return, it is rare for Newt to speak. The enthusiasm and vibrancy that shone through his life seemed to be duller, replaced instead with a glazed look in the eyes and a quiet acceptance. 

The silence crept into his appearance. Vibrant art of the creatures Newt once idolised were quickly covered by longer sleeved shirts. Hermann helped him as his mind wandered, knowingly pulling down on the sleeves that Newt hadn’t noticed had rolled up. Hermann tries his best to ignore the brief glimpses of scars and bruising. As sleep evaded him, he wondered if taking him for another tattoo might help. He dismisses the idea for now: Newt has been through enough pain.

Since the precursors had been deemed completely free from Newt’s head, Hermann insisted on staying with him. They become known as a unit; accompanying him to appointments, staying with him in the laboratory, moving into his room. He worried this was a terrible idea - not that the two of them had been known for their wise decisions. 

The nightmares were a source of unity between them. Not only had drifting left an impact in his everyday life, manifesting in an untidy desk, a slightly more manic delivery, an improved appreciation for music. While their beds had initially been moved apart, after nights of being woken by screaming, they seemed to move closer and closer. After a particularly bad dream, one that replayed Hermann’s worst fears: the terror in Newt’s eyes, the hand tightening around his windpipe, “I’m sorry Hermann… they’re in my head…” He awoke up to a surprise - Newt’s hand tightly gripping his. A sign of hope.

Pentecost’s son checks in on them sometimes. He’s young, lacking the maturity of his father, yet he shares a similar determination. Hermann owes him a lot - he was able to pull strings, prevent excessive brutality in Newt’s interrogation. They dance around meanings, yet their encounters echo an unspoken apprehension for the future: what lies ahead for the kaiju specialist now he fears to look upon them?

For once, Hermann couldn’t have predicted what would come next.

It happens at 3.21AM. Hermann had, to no avail, tried to sleep. If he were alone, he’d flick through a novel or work on a recent equation. However, since moving in with Newt, he’s afraid to disrupt him. He doesn’t seem to be asleep, yet he still seems peaceful. It is an improvement.

After an hour, he hears it. Laughter. Followed by a soft “what have you dressed me in, man?”

For the first time in months, Hermann truly smiles, glancing over the man he loves in a loosely fitting hoodie and sweatpants given to him from Jake who thought the comfort might help.

It is a slow process for Newt to become comfortable speaking. As he does, the noise Hermann missed so fondly began to trickle back into his life. Despite his discomfort around the newer faces present in the shatterdome, he tries small sentences, slight touches of Hermann’s hand there to help ground him as he does. He begins teasing Hermann again; soft remarks that remind him how far he’s come. “He’s back,” Jake determines, laughing with him. Hermann tries his best not to tear up.

Newt dislikes being inactive - while his speech is not as manic as before, his hyperactivity manifests through actions. A touch of Hermann’s hand, a drumming against a table. As a surprise from Jake, Newt gains a guitar. It is softer than the music he previously enjoyed, yet it offers him a distraction. As much as he wouldn’t like to admit it, Hermann can’t help but smile upon hearing the light music play from the other side of the lab.

Despite everything, Newt Geiszler will not be silenced.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm really new to creative writing and this is rly messy but i love newt/hermann & newt means a lot to me as someone with bpd - it was inspired a lot by nobodyofficial's 'recovery is silent' fic and people on twitter talking about newt in sweatpants ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ feedback would be appreciated!


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